Scurrilous Ephemera

• Bumbershoot 2010: Seattle ‘a warzone’, says Love Hole returns for a show in Courtney Love’s former hometown. But she isn’t feeling the love…

• Katy Perry ‘dishes’ on Russell Brand And let’s take another look at our pics from KP’s Bumbershoot show…

• Tila Tequila gets a juggalo beat-down The ‘reality-TV star’ gets no love from fans of the Detroit rap-rock duo Insane Clown Posse.

• The secret behind Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World The new Michael Cera movie owes its existence to a little-known all-girl alt-pop group from Halifax…

• Gwyneth Paltrow Goes Country A song from the actress’s upcoming movie is unleashed. No, it’s not an ode to Iron Man, sadly…

• Snooki in the New York Times ‘… trying to hold a conversation with Snooki is a little like getting down on your hands and knees with a…’

• Angelina Jolie’s New Movie Unmanned By Dog Salt’s suspense scuppered

• Free Lindsay! What is her crime, exactly, except for behaving like any attractive, rich, successful American 24-year-old?

• Hole at the Pageant, St. Louis Courtney Love ‘was charming and largely coherent’, writes the Riverfront Times’ Annie Zaleski. You can’t ask for much

• Pic of the Day – Audrina Patridge We’re sorry. But with no new column from our SE correspondent, we have no choice but to run pics of D-list celebs…

• Samantha Ronson Vs Joan Rivers Sam defends Lindsay…

• Mel Gibson Scarier Than Ever Mad Mel caught on tape. Suddenly ‘Sugar-tits’ seems so benign…

• Pic of the Day – Lady Gaga While we await a new Scurrilous Ephemera column, we decided to take a break from Jared Leto photos…

• A Week of Nots ‘instead of looking at what is happening with our favorite pop culture denizens, let’s look at what they are not doing…’

• Love is Such a Happy Thing ‘… all perky and sunshine-y and not all nihilistic and existentially gloomy as usual…’

• Death and Disaster (But It’s Not All Bad News!) Dennis Hopper, Jacques Cousteau’s grandson, Heidi Pratt and something special…

• Celebrity Rehab Redux ‘…don’t you feel sorry for poor Ambien? It’s the Tommy Hilfiger of prescription drugs…’

• Five Things the Mainstream Media Will Not Tell You About the Official Twilight Convention ‘… the risk of slipping on a moist patch is considerable…’

• Snooki on the Dancefloor ‘… put down your PhD thesis on mutated mitochondrial DNA, your Koran, your defibrillator, your dog-eared and copiously underlined copy of Ulysses…’

• Steven Seagal in Hot Water! Also, Tila Tequila’s DJ Song And no, it’s not ‘Last Night a DJ Saved My Life’…

• And On and On Into This Black Hole of Existential Meaninglessness! ‘Jersey Shore is so educational and fascinating that other cultures are jealous, and understandably want to get in on the action…’

• Celebrity Mistress Edition – The Return of Bombshell McGee, + Jon Gosselin’s Chippie and More! Why did you waste all your hot years in university again, asks our SE columnist as she catches up with the celebrity mistresses du jour…

• Doesn’t Bombshell McGee Just Have the Best Name Ever? Maybe the whores aren’t the only culpable parties here, in fact they were just acting whorishly which is in their nature and is, in fact, how they earn a living. And much better livings once they come out publicly…

• Catching Up With Our Favourite Famewhores! Kate Gosselin! Jon Gosselin! Lindsay Lohan! Octomom! Heidi Montag Pratt! All your favourites under one column. Welcome back, SE, we missed you!

• Linda Hamilton and Sarah Silverman Share Their Man Gripes; Naomi Campbell A-Ok After an unreasonably long absence, our SE columnist is back, with news about Sarah Silverman, James Cameron and Linda Hamilton, and Naomi Campbell. What, no Heidi Montag-Pratt?

• Heidi Montag Pratt ‘The girl can’t win,’ writes Scurrilous Ephemera reporter Stephanie MacDonald. ‘First she’s horsey, then when she gets a major surgery overhaul she looks like a crazy cyborg created by an alien who once saw a picture of a human in a scrap of a page in Maxim magazine.’

• Dennis Hopper The battle for the film icon’s money. Also – Mischa Barton’s on-set trouble, and the latest semi-celebrity to pose nude for Playboy.

• Conan O’Brien Says See Ya Later! Jay Leno Writes a Letter. It’s a week when everyone decided to quit everything, except the people who should be quitting. They’re staying. Or something…

• Avatards Appear; Snooki Renewed; Kate Gosselin’s Hair ‘Twihards, watch out. There are some new weird obsessives out there now waiting to steal your creepy thunder…’

• Rachel Marsden Moves to France, Writes a Book ‘… a beautiful, intelligent, misunderstood girl who gets caught up in the glamorous world of punditry, only to be sexually harassed…’

• Decade in Review ‘[Spencer Pratt's] tenuous grasp on reality, and death-grip on reality TV, make him hard to ignore, and he’s always reminding this writer of epic villains from history and literature…’

• Holiday Edition ‘Admittedly, children are often annoying, but that is what a Valium and Champagne cocktail is for…’

• Goodbye, 1990s. We’ll Always Have Lollapalooza ‘The Lollapaloozas, Birkenstocks-as-regular-footwear (you know who you are), mushrooms and ska bands, Mr. Lifto, Paralyzers, the flowery sundresses with cowboy boots and sexy/messy flannel shirts. Sigh…’

• The Rolling Stones’ Ronnie Wood and Ekatarena Ivanova ‘I don’t want to be mean, but isn’t Marilyn Manson the most hideous human being on the planet?’

• A Golden Age of Male Chest Hair ‘Jessica Alba didn’t earn the endearment “MiserAlba” for nothing. She looks borderline homicidal at the best of times…’

• Tiger Woods ‘The harlot of the moment, Rachel Uchitel, is scoring the kind of money-can’t-buy-it publicity that will certainly propel her straight to reality TV stardom, along with Ashley Dupre (Elliott Spitzer’s hooker friend), those obnoxious White House Party Crashers, and Balloon Boy’s Family…’

• Brad and Angelina – Can We Handle the Truth? ‘The nefarious, beady-eyed Spencer Pratt has put his plot for world domination on hold, and is finally on the same page as the rest of the human beings on this planet who have ever seen or heard of “Speidi”…’

• Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance ‘Monkeys are bad, they are not nice pets, they are most definitely not babies and they want to kill you…’

• Prostitution for Fun, Profit and Cancer Research Also – Robert Pattinson’s boy-crush on Zac Efron, and Ashlee Simpson contributes her fashion sense to a waiting world.

• Ex-Miss California Carrie Prejean’s Solo Sex Tape ‘Miss Prejean is repellent for a number of reasons, not the least being that she had rational individuals compelled to come down on the same side of a dispute as Perez Hilton and the Miss California USA company (owned by Donald Trump)…’